Please continue reading after Josey’s story for some exciting news!

I woke up this morning in the room my father died in. To some and even me at first, that thought was one I was not comfortable with. The large room was added on to the original house once the unpredictable nature of life took dads functioning legs from him. His legs were still there but only to remind him of the days he could walk. The large room was designed to give him the space for his wheelchair and a place to occupy his mind. After he died, it has become a room that we now sleep in. My bride and I sleep on one air mattress. The oldest boy on another air mattress. The youngest boy sleeps on the sofa. The not so puppy sleeps on the floor but in the middle of all three. Though the house has bedrooms this is where we sleep when we come to visit my mom.

I have been defined and described as a deep thinker. To some it is a gift and at times it appears it might be a gift, but many days I ask to think about nothing. Today as I wake up in this big room I’m a deep thinker. My mind starts spinning and before I realize it I’m typing notes in my phone about these thoughts.   

I’ve often said children and dogs need routines but as I age I realize even us adults need routines. My mother is from the days of cooking before microwave ovens, pans that don’t need grease, and pre-made meals. She comes from a long line of women who enjoyed and embraced the art of cooking. Once my father found his way out of the big room my mom cooked less. As she says it’s not much fun cooking for one. Several years ago a routine started when we came to visit that I would cook pancakes, eggs, and bacon. All from a pan that requires grease. Mom says she enjoys the leftovers after we have gone back home.  

I left the cooked pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the table. As I crossed the frozen field the grass crunched under my boots. It was a very cold morning but I could see the sun making her way to us. This was clearly a deep thinking day and my hands would suffer as I type these words to you but I needed to write.  

I write often of my father and him being gone but I do not linger in the shadow of his death. I hate that he suffered but I learned from his pain. I see his life with purpose and his time here was served with purpose. If I do not look beyond my mom cooking for one, or our sons not knowing the man who walked this earth, then I clearly stand in that shadow. When I view his life past the trees that surround me now, his life had much purpose. When I view his life in that big room with legs that did not work, I see he figured out a term that hit me first thing this morning. Adaptive functioning.  

It was easy to see the physical trauma that my father endured. We adapted and provided solutions to accommodate his disabilities but I’m confident we never thought about the emotional trauma he digested daily. As a society we can accept what we can see, but it’s hard to accept or understand the unseen.

It seems as though our bodies can adapt to changes that alter normal functioning but when our emotional system is impacted with trauma, it searches within that big room for answers. We wander sleeplessly in that big room trying to return to normal but many times we sit alone. To me, a simple man on a perch in the early cold morning hours, I too search for adaptive functioning within my own life, both physical and emotional. I know too often the “why” will never be answered in that big room but beyond that big room I have learned to allow my emotional system to adapt. When it feels like my legs are tired or gone, I adapt. When it feels like my soul is tired and hungry for hope, I adapt. One can never erase or remove the pain of life but one can adapt and continue to live. We can see that our bodies have healed by the scars left behind, but it’s hard to see the scars from emotional healing. When we sit in the big room it’s hard sometimes to see out the windows and realize we have healed, and our scars defined our purpose.  

My father taught me many things but the lessons that I seem to digest daily are the things he did not say but he endured. We all have some idea of the life we will live but there are many layers to our lives.  When a layer is removed and we are left cold, we question the ‘why”.  If I spent my time in the big room searching for the “why” I would think his life had no purpose. To a point we all build rooms to accommodate the “why’s” of life but when we step out here and view the bigger picture, we can see purpose in that the real life is filled with rich imperfections. 

It’s been three hours since I climbed this tree. The wind has picked up and the sun is still trying to find its way to me through the trees. My body has adapted to the cold. My deep thinking brain and soul have seemed to find some peace since I awoke in that big room. It’s hard sometimes to put on all these layers and climb a tree but here I have adapted to this routine. From my perch I can see the pond where my father asked me how many people would stop fishing if fish screamed when hooked. A thought that never crossed my mind.  For the most part no matter how much we alter mother nature she seems to adapt and continues to function. Her scars are visible and just like us, her emotional scars we never see, or even think about.

For me sitting here on this perch it’s a much bigger room where I never sit alone. There are even some days when the sun is right I can even see purpose in my own life filled with scars, imperfections, routines, and pans that cook without grease. – Josey

If you enjoy following Josey’s stories, or if this is your first visit to The Roadmap Company, we are glad you are here and hope you have enjoyed today’s post. We are very excited to announce the release of The Ringing In My Ears. This is the fourth book in the Crucial Moments book series. It contains this and many of the stories from The Roadmap Company blog, as well as insight from Dr Jeffrey Mitchell and personal reflection from Josey on his retirement. He shares candidly how retirement unexpectedly led him into a dark place and about his struggles in that darkness. The book is available in both paperback and e-book format from Amazon. I will share the link here to purchase. You can always find more information at the Crucial Moments website as well. Click here to be taken to the book: The Ringing In My Ears on Amazon

For Peer Support and healthcare practitioners: Josey will be presenting a breakout session again this year at the ICISF World Congress in Baltimore Maryland. This is an exciting week of training and education opportunities for providers and support personnel. The link for World Congress 2023 is https://icisfworldcongress.org/ To view clips of previous World Congress presentations by Josey, click here: https://theroadmapcompany.com/media/

As always, thank you for reading today’s post. It means a lot to Josey and to the team behind The Roadmap Company to know that people are seeing a benefit from what we do. If you feel like Josey’s message has moved you, touched your heart or inspired you in some way, please share it with others it may help as well. We also greatly appreciate your comments here and on Facebook as well. -Heather