It’s three a.m. and I wake up in a room I do not recognize. My bride is not next to me and I’m sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. At first I thought I was at my mom’s house but soon I realize I’m not. I lay here wondering if it’s a dream, but it’s not. I soon realize it’s a hotel room. My old job introduced me to hotel rooms and when I retired I had hoped I would never see another. If I did see another I would want my bride lying next to me and our boys in the room. I would want the first thing to greet me when my feet hit the floor would be our not so puppy. Then a hotel room would not be a hotel but a home.

So I sit here in this bed typing these words to you because I cannot sleep and what keeps me glued is miles away in their beds. My immediate reaction once I realized I was not home is to find some woods but outside the walls of this hotel room is a world that does not interest me. There are no trees to climb and the dirt is buried under layers of concrete and asphalt. So my only choice it to write from a bed that is not mine and share a story with you about voice.

I think we are all born with a voice to guide along this pathway of life. This voice keeps us between the ditches and helps us make it back to our beds at night. What brings me to this room I currently sit in, is training in the complex world of trauma. I’ve sat for two days now in a room full of first responders who are young in their careers. Not sure how I became the old guy but I am. As I observe and listen to their stories I can see that trauma will always be a part of life, like death and taxes. As we age and experience life and embrace death in its purest form, that voice we are born with also matures and gains more knowledge to guide us back to our beds at night. The hard part is to hear that voice with the current static of our fast-paced world. The negativity in our society and the dark forces that allows us to be consumed with self- doubt in our ability to maintain the strong person we really are. These external forces peck away at our armor and lower our self-esteem so we become lost. If we slow down and realize that voice is present, our armor is only stronger. If we focus on our strengths and not our weaknesses that voice only becomes stronger but we also need to realize that there are other voices to guide us back to our beds at night.

I stood at the bottom of the canyon wall with my friend I rock climb with. She smiled and said, “I guess you want to climb blindfolded today.” I said, “Yes but I do not want any help finding my way up the route”. As I took off my friend belayed me. At times I could feel the tension on the rope but at other times I never felt the tension. As I worked my way up the route I recalled the times before I climbed blindfolded and I could hear that voice I was born with. I trusted the smallest cracks and slightest bulges from the canyon wall to help my feet and hands find their way to the top. At one point in the route the crack that I had been following became narrow and I desperately searched outside the crack for anything to help me. My climbing shoes would no longer fit into the crack and it was difficult for my fingers to fit in there. The voice I was born with became harder to hear and soon I felt alone on that canyon wall. There were times I could feel the tension on the rope as I struggled but soon all I could feel was self-doubt. I wanted to remove the blindfold and look ahead for hope that this crack would once again get bigger but I fought the temptation. I wanted to yell down to my friend and ask her voice to guide me but I fought the temptation. I focused on what I could feel and soon I could hear that voice I was born with. I inched my way up the canyon wall with my arms and legs shaking from exhaustion. The crack soon became bigger and hope found its way back into my soul as self-doubt fell to the canyon floor. When I reached the top I removed my blindfold and the view was one I will never forget. I looked down to see where I had struggled and it was only six feet of that canyon wall.

We are all born with an inner voice. We all have access to many other voices that can guide us as we struggle on the pathway of life, the canyons we find ourselves in, the difficulty of embracing death in its purest form, and the long sometimes dark roads back to beds at night. We all will be tempted to succumb to self-doubt and let the safety rope of life hold us on that canyon wall. What we need to realize is that inner voice grows with us as we grow into the people we become. That inner voice is our strength, it’s inside the strongest part of our soul. The inner voice has been our five senses that has recorded our life in a way to help us as we struggle on the new uncertain routes we find ourselves on. We also need to realize those healthy external voices that surround us, are below us, and above us are here to help us. My friend told me later it was hard to watch me struggle when she could see the route in front of me but I told her to let me find my way. As we become a society of its all about me we need to fight the temptation to join in on that destructive mindset. We need to listen and trust our inner voice and realize there are times we need to ask others on this route for help, so we can all find our way back to our beds at night. – Josey

For more of Josey’s stories with Dr Jeffrey Mitchell, got to https://crucialmoments.org/

To read more of Josey’s blog stories, https://theroadmapcompany.com/blog/

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